Candidates debate who has it worst!

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The Stanton Peele Addiction Website, October 27, 2008. This blog post also appeared on Stanton's Addiction in Society blog at

Candidates Debate -- Who Has the Worst Trauma?

I'm new to blogging - I just learned you're not allowed to criticize political candidates with psychological traumas! The left-wing Huffington Post body language experts, Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks, wouldn't analyze John and Cindy McCain's relationship because theirs is "a marriage between a recovering drug addict and a deeply traumatized veteran. . . . Even the most straightforward, non-judgmental comment could be perceived by some people as critical of two sub-groups considered off-limits from close observation."

Really! We can't criticize people because of their various psychological traumas, even when they run for president! (Fortunately for civilization, the Hendricks decided it was okay to comment on the couple, because "Mrs. McCain has discussed her drug addiction in considerable detail out in public. . . and McCain claims to have no emotional residue from his time as a prisoner of war, and he also claims to have been unaware of his wife's drug addiction" -- huh, how does the latter make it okay?)

This suggests a debate during the primary like this between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Clinton: I just have to object to the tone of my opponent. Doesn't he realize I am the deeply traumatized betrayed wife of a compulsive womanizer?

Obama: I'm afraid I reject such criticisms - I have a split racial identity! Read my books!

Clinton: I can't listen to this - I am the oldest daughter of a demanding father - Hugh loved me but he was irrational and demanding, , , (Hillary stops, clearly too choked up to continue).

Obama: Your father! My father was totally absent! I had to travel to Kenya to find any remnants of his existence. I had to make up my patrimony. Read my books!

Clinton: I'm the typical overachieving, perfectionist woman - no wonder Bill was attracted to me, to make use of my skills, while cheating on me with feather-headed trollops.

Obama: And how about me - I had to shoulder the male role for my poor mother and half-sister - weighed down with adult responsibilities before my time!

Hillary: Oh yeah! My mother said she didn't want any cowards in her house when I ran home crying after a girl hit me. No wonder I feel I have to take on all opponents!

Obama: I took drugs! I'm like a recovering addict, only I didn't receive any treatment, or join a 12-step group.

Hillary: You're worse than a woman-hater - you abuse overachieving, glass-ceiling encountering, wives of cheating husbands, deeply traumatized women!

Obama: And I apologize for implying you and Bill were merely racists - you're far worse - you attack split racial identity, dry drunk, father-absent, deeply traumatized men!

Both: You're not fair -- whahhh!