A shocking secret transcript has been uncovered, in which Alaska Governor and GOP Republican VP candidate, Sarah Palin, accuses Democrats of witchcraft.
The Stanton Peele Addiction Website, September 26, 2008. This blog post also appeared on Stanton's Addiction in Society blog at PsychologyToday.com.
Palin Accuses Dems of Witchcraft!
A shocking secret transcript has been uncovered, in which Alaska Governor and GOP Republican VP candidate, Sarah Palin, accuses Democrats of witchcraft:
Palin: We need to call in Bishop Thomas Muthee to clear my campaign plane of witchcraft. I just feel its presence everywhere.
Aide: What makes you say that, Sarah?
Palin: I know I put my briefing papers down on my seat - the ones that explain the difference between a senator and congressperson - and the next thing, they were back in my briefcase. I think that's pretty solid evidence, don't you?
Aide: Do you think the Democrats are using Voodoo?
Palin: You can bet on it, just as surely as people used to keep dinosaurs for pets! Have you noticed, Caribbean voters are four-square behind them? I caught someone trying to remove a strand of my hair. . .
Aide: . . .to make a Voodoo doll!
Palin: Exactly. I even blame Demonic possession for my daughter's becoming pregnant - how can you explain it otherwise, when I told her never to have sex until marriage or she would go to hell! And, have you noticed, DEMOn/DEMOcrat!
Aide: I see what you mean.
Palin: Of course, we're so close to Russia, they could be sending witchcraft signals across the Bering Sea. I wonder if we could convene a witchcraft trial at the Geneva World Court? Those Salem people had a lot of folk wisdom!
Aide: Do you think the Defense Department has an anti-witchcraft shield they can coat our plane with?
Palin: What a great idea! I'll put it in my notebook - oh where have they transubstantiated it to now!?!
The tape is suddenly filled with cracking electronic distortion, as though the devil was throwing lightening bolts - you can't escape the forces of evil, even in Alaska, where the saved will gather in order to be transported to Heaven on Judgment Day, according to Palin's church.
[NOTICE: NO SUCH TRANSCRIPT EXISTS. Rather, I observed the above meeting during an out-of-body experience I had, where I narrowly missed Vladimir Putin's plane coming into American air space from the opposite direction.]
Sample comment (I promise I didn't make it up myself):
An evil mind concocts all manner of expressing untruths against the people of God. You, Mr. Peele, are crazier than the proverbial betsy bug!!!