Republican legislators at C Street residence in Washington counsel one another on the best ways to cheat as a part of their Christian mission.

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The Stanton Peele Addiction Website, July 17, 2009. This blog post also appeared on Stanton's Addiction in Society blog at PsychologyToday.com.

How Atheist Democrats Fell Behind Christian Republicans in Cheating Sweepstakes

When former President Bill Clinton - followed by ex-Senator and VP candidate John Edwards - were found out cheating on their wives, Democratic men secretly swelled with pride - "We're really showing those Republicans which party is victorious in the cheating sweepstakes!"

But, lately, Democrats have had good cause to reflect on their dwindling success in this area.  And it seems to be because they aren't Christian enough (John Edwards being the exception that proves the rule). 

When South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford returned from cheating in Buenos Aires, after he was found out, he gave a press conference at the State House in which he described receiving counseling from fellow Christian Republican lawmakers living at the famous C Street House in Washington D.C. However, Sanford had obviously, based on his trip, been cheating AFTER receiving this counseling.

John Ensign, the Republican Nevada Senator who has admitted cheating on his wife with a married staff member, actually lives at C Street. And he also reported receiving counseling there. Although the religious ruminations of this group are careful veiled in secrecy, from the timing of it, this counseling (mainly from Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn, who also lives there) seemingly concerned paying off Ensign's mistress and her husband.

Now, we discover (due to a divorce filing from his wife) that former Republican Congressman from Mississippi, Chip Pickering, who retired in January, was cheating with his mistress AT 33 C St.!

Many people are confused - why does a spiritual group that holds regular prayer meetings have so many cheaters? Thankfully, psychologist Stanton is here to explain for you - the group actually ENCOURAGES cheating.

Here's how they do it. The group emphasizes a masculine form of Christianity that leaves women out (and believe me, their churches don't ordain female ministers). The group swears allegiance, one man to another, and insists that wives remain subservient at home.

In this atmosphere, CHEATING IS A MALE PREROGATIVE! Don't ask why they cheat so much; look for cheating among all the other legislators who live there - it's sure to be rampant for them too! They pray at meetings for each of their buddies to score more! When they swap advice, it's about finding good places to pick up women and take vacations with their mistresses.

Although the C St. cult is shrouded in mystery, I recently obtained an eyewitness report from someone on the inside:

Everyone - all men of course - gathers in a circle holding hands and starts chanting, "Oh, Lord, let each of my brethren score, let all of our dalliances go undetected, and may all those who choose to expose us - including our wives and mistresses - be everlastingly damned."

They then shuck off their grey three-piece suits and power ties, revealing nothing but loin cloths and giant prostheses protruding beneath them.  Suddenly, a shrieking blond virgin is. . .

Wait a sec - am I getting this eyewitness account confused with that rerun of King Kong I saw recently on TCM?

In any case, are you all Clear now? - the "C" in Christian Counseling is about learning HOW TO Cheat!